One Year Ago...

I wrote this about 6 months after Landon had his surgery.  I just thought I would share what it was like.  It's kind of long, but this experience really made me look at life and the preciousness of my children in a whole different light.  I hope you enjoy reading!

I have been very humbled this past year. My son was born in October after trying for over a year to conceive. He is my world and his smile makes my heart melt 1,000 times over.

We had a rough start at first. He had severe acid reflux and we spent many nights rocking and trying to soothe him. When he was 3 months old we had the biggest scare of our lives. 

My husband leaves for work early in the morning (around 3:45am) and he had to go especially early on the morning of February 2nd because we had just been hit with over a foot of snow. My son woke up at 4:00am with a cry I had never heard before. I made him his bottlle, thinking that he may just be really hungry. He ate, but then vomited it all back up violently. He continued to scream for 5 minutes as I tried to rock him. He finally calmed down and fell back asleep so I decided to go ahead and start my morning routine. I hopped in the shower, only to hear him screaming again. This happened on and off for 5 hours until he finally passed out from exhaustion. The local pediatrician was out of the office due to inclement weather so my only option was to drive 20 miles away to the local Urgent Care clinic. However, I couldn't even get out of my driveway because of the snow. I was panicking!! I called my husband at work and told him that our son was very ill and that I needed him to take us. He arrived at our house 30 minutes later. Our son was still resting at this time and my husband thought I was just being paranoid. 

My husband finally realized the severity of the situation after we made it to the clinic. Our son just laid there. He wouldn't even support his own head. All he wanted to do was sleep and that is NOT like him at all. We were finally called back to see the doctor, who diagnosed him with having a stomach virus and instructed us to get Pedialite to keep him hydrated. We stopped by my mom's house so she could see him and all he would do was lay there with a dazed look on his face. I don't know how, but I just knew that it was more than a stomach virus. 

We decided that we were going to wait and see how he did overnight. We got home at 7:00pm and tried to give him some Pedialight and a little bit of formula since he hadn't wanted to eat all day. He ate it, only for it to come back up shortly afterward. I was terrified and began to cry. We bolted for the Emergency Room. 

After arriving, they checked for everything. Stomach flu, bronchitis, meningitis, they did a spinal tap, checked for a bacterial infection, all to come back clean. The doctors had no idea what was wrong with him. We were admitted to the pediatric ward for overnight observation. We were advised to not give him anything else to eat other than Pedialite every 5 hours.

The first night seemed hopeful, he was throwing up less and seemed more alert. However, the next day he took a downward spiral. His vomiting increased to a level that required him to have an NG tube down his nose. We stayed another night at the hospital. At this point, I was so scared that the doctors were wrong. It can't be a stomach virus, it just can't! I was so terrified that they wouldn't find the real issue in time.

He began having bloody stools the night of the 4th. Our pediatrician came by the next morning and told us that he was afraid that he had a bowel obstruction and that it just wasn't showing up on the X-Rays or ultrasounds. He then told us that he had made a call to Children's Mercy in Kansas City (160 miles away) and that they wanted to see him immediately. They had already sent a team down and they would arrive by plane in 30 minutes. I lost it, my husband lost it, and we were at a loss for words. How could this be happening to my baby? My innocent, sweet baby! 

We made all of the necessary calls to our parents, friends, and employers. My husband left, crying, to meet my parents and my mother-in-law so they could drive to the hospital while I rode in the plane with Landon. It all happened so fast. The EMT's arrived to transport us to the local airport, we boarded the plane, and we were in Kansas City before I knew it. They took us straight to the emergency room where they ran all of the same tests the other hospital did. Again, everything came back perfect. We were taken into a room so they could perform an exam. They gave Landon a high-contrast dye to see if there was any indication of a blockage. What they saw was that nothing would go past his stomach. 

After the exam, one of the doctors came in and explained that he needed surgery NOW. They couldn't wait. They weren't 100% sure what the problem was but they knew that they had to act fast to lessen the risk of any long term complications or possibly...DEATH. I felt like I was going to throw up when the doctor said that word. My husband still hadn't made it to the hospital. I called him and told him what was going on. I knew they couldn't make it in time so I sent him one last picture of our son before they took him back.

We were taken back to the pre-op/post-op room. All I could do was hold him and kiss him and beg him not to die. I told him that I couldn't live without him and that he was my world. I begged God to please, PLEASE save my little boy. I had never experienced a greater love than this and knew that I couldn't go on without him. The OR nurse came over and said that it was time to go and that I needed to say my goodbyes. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to give her my son. I felt like I had just ripped my own heart out and gave it to her. She was literally walking away with my reason for living in her arms.

I was in the waiting room for 15 minutes when my family arrived. At that point, I was numb. I couldn't force any kind of emotion. I was exhausted. We received a call on the phone in the waiting room from the OR nurse letting us know that everything went perfectly and that Landon would be out of post-op in an hour. We were so relieved! Everyone decided to go try to get something to eat. I stayed behind, not able to even think about food. I decided to try to get some rest and fell asleep in one of the beds they provide for families that were waiting for their children to come out of surgery. I was almost asleep when I heard, "Landon Lasiter's family." I jumped out of bed and ran to the door. Landon looked so small on the gurney he was on. I felt whole again after I was reunited with him. I called my family to let them know that we were being taken to a room.

Landon was diagnosed with intussusception. It is a condition in which the bowel telescopes in on itself. It rarely happens in babies his age and even more rarely does it happen in two separate places like Landon's did. The surgeon said that they fixed it in the knick of time. The location that had telescoped had begun to turn grey and die because of the lack of blood flow. If they had not caught it in time, it could have become infected or gangrenous, which could have resulted in death.

Over the course of the next three days, Landon showed wonderful signs of improvement. My husband and I were terrified to hold him. We were afraid that we would hurt him. We got past our fears and held our son. He slept on my chest and I cherished being able to feel his chest rise up and down again against mine. He needed less and less pain medicine every day. Unfortunately, Landon inherited bad veins from me and he blew almost all of the IV's they gave him and he started to look like a human pin-cushion. 

The only thing we had to wait for was for him to pass a bowel movement so he could eat. When he did, I never thought I would be so happy and thankful for poop! We all wanted to dance and jump and celebrate his recovery! My dad got the first smile we had seen in almost a week. It wasn't long after that he was smiling and cooing at everyone. My precious boy was back! 

We were told on the 9th (which is also my mom's birthday) that if he continued to improve that we would be able to go home that night or the next day. My husband, dad, and mother in law made a trip to the local Wal*Mart and got my mom a card and a birthday cake. We celebrated her birthday while in the hospital. The biggest celebration happened when we were told that Landon would be going home that night!

We packed up our things and said our goodbyes and thanked all of the wonderful staff at the hospital. They were truly amazing throughout the whole process.

And so we were off! We made it home after midnight on the 10th. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend had taken care of our dogs while we were gone and we came home to a beautifully cleaned home. It was wonderful to come home and only have to worry about cherishing the life of our son. 

Unfortunately, we were back at the hospital 2 days later. Landon was diagnosed with pneumonia but thankfully we caught it early so all he needed was a high dose of antibiotics.

Since his surgery, Landon hasn't needed any antacid medication. He is so full of life and is the happiest baby I've ever seen. God was really watching over him and my family. 

I will never be able to thank the staff at Children's Mercy enough. I am also forever grateful for the Ronald McDonald House for providing my parents and mother-in-law a place to stay while we were there.

Landon is 15 months old now and he continues to amaze me. We have laugh out loud moments every day, and almost every hour it seems. I will never have to wonder what my purpose is in life. It's all in this little boy.


                                                                                      3 Months Old: Right before surgery

     

                                                                                                 Landon now!

Deja Vu

Noah is asleep on my chest as I'm writing this.  We don't have many moments like these it seems.  Noah was diagnosed with acid reflux last week.  Landon had it when he was this age too.  We aren't able to give him the recommended dosage of Zantac for his weight until he is a month old so he is currently on a smaller dose.  I'm hoping that we'll see this "liquid gold" work it's magic next week when we can give him the full dose.  For now, he acts like Landon did.  I'm glad we caught it early.  I don't think Landon was diagnosed and treated for it until he was 8 weeks old.  I'm a little disappointed that we're going through this again, to be honest.  I think one experience with a baby who has reflux is enough to last a lifetime, but God has other plans.  It breaks my heart to see him in pain.  I'm starting to think that the parents out there who say that their children started sleeping through the night since birth, ate once every 4 hours, and only cried on very rare occasions are full of crap.

My best friend is adjusting beautifully to motherhood.  I didn't expect anything less from her.  I'm glad that we're able to raise our children together.  Her daughter is absolutely precious.  We're going to have a "play date" tomorrow, Noah permitting.

Landon is getting so big.  He amazes me every day.  He can now pick mommy, daddy, gammy, and gampy out in the pictures my mom has of us hanging in the hallway.  When Dusty picked Landon up at the sitter today he put his head on Dusty's shoulder and started patting Dusty's back.  He did the same thing to me when I got home from class tonight.  He can say "kitty" and "sit," although "sit" sounds more like a curse word.  He also says "here" and "that."  "That" sounds like "tha.....t" with a heavy emphasis on the "t."  His favorite word is "neh," which, in Landon speak, means "no."  He makes me laugh so much.

We get closer to Noah feeling better every week that goes by.  I hate acid reflux.  If it had a face, I would punch it.  I'm suppose to be enjoying how little Noah is, but I'm wishing this time away and praying that it will get easier sooner.

I am still blessed beyond words.  If having a fussy baby with acid reflux is the biggest thing I have to complain about, then I still think I'm doing pretty darn good.

Remember when? Not really...

Noah's pictures we rescheduled for today still didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped.  Oh well, that's a newborn for ya.

I mentioned before briefly that Landon had severe acid reflux from birth to about three and a half months of age.  This resulted in many sleepless nights as my husband and I took turns trying our hardest to soothe our inconsolable baby.  Seriously, we were up every half hour some nights. 

The funny thing about this is, looking back, I don't really remember how tired I was.  The only things I remember (and cherish) about the early months with Landon is his first real smile, his first laugh, and how excited we were to see him grow.

I'm sure it will be the same with Noah.  After he starts sleeping through the night, the feelings of fatigue will be a distant memory and I'll have the fulfillment of seeing him reach each new exciting milestone.


Thanks for reading my random thought of the day.

Tomorrow Will Be Better...I Hope.

Last night was another rough night and today wasn't any better.  We were all set to get Landon's 12 month pictures and Noah's newborn pictures done today.  Landon did wonderful!  Noah, however, didn't want anything to do with it.  We rescheduled his newborn portraits to be done on Friday, when he's hopefully a happier baby.  **Fingers crossed!**  I'm pretty sure his stomach was upset because we haven't heard him cry like that since we brought him home.  He seems to be feeling better now and is sleeping in Dusty's arms.  I actually got to take a little "me" time and soaked in a scolding hot bath for a little while tonight.

I sat up crying while I was holding little Noah last night, hoping he would settle down and go to sleep.  I felt so guilty for missing how easy it was getting with Landon.  I love both of my boys more than anything on this earth, but I was really starting to feel the effects of sleep deprivation today.  Dusty was great last night.  He held Noah and got him to go to sleep while I took a breather upstairs.  I am very fortunate and blessed to have such a supportive, strong husband to lean on.

So, hopefully tonight and tomorrow will go a little more smoothly than today did.  We will have good days and we will have bad days.  Today was a bad day.

Supermom

I was called "Supermom" quite a few times when people found out that I worked full time, went to school, and was a mom all at the same time.  I've been called this even more-so now that I have two children under the age of 2 (and Noah is only a few days shy of being 2 weeks old, mind you) and I am going to school.  I'm glad some people think so highly of me, but truth be told, I couldn't do it without the support of my wonderful husband and amazing family.

My husband does Landon's bedtime routine every night without fail.  He bathes him, rocks him, and puts him to bed.  He has done this since I started having pre-term contractions during my pregnancy with Noah and continues to do so while I nurse Noah or try to complete a few assignments for my classes.

Additionally, my parents have been a huge support and have lovingly opened their home to us so I can finish my degree without having to juggle work on top of raising 2 wonderful boys.


To me, the term "Supermom" should be reserved for those mothers who are doing everything I am doing (and then some) without support.  You know, the single-mommies out there that work full time, go to school, and take care of their children.  These women amaze.  My mother-in-law comes to mind when I think of "Supermom."  She raised 5 children, mainly on her own, and held down multiple jobs in the meantime.  My mom is "Supermom" as she worked 60+ hours a week but still found the time to devote to me, her only child.

So, I am flattered when someone calls me "Supermom," but I know so many more women that deserve that title so much more than I do.

The First Week

Happy Halloween!

Well, we've officially been home with Noah for a week now.  It doesn't seem like it's been that long.  Believe it or not, I thought it would be harder than what it has been and I am pleasantly surprised by that.  I'm sure it will be much more difficult when Dusty goes back to work on the 7th.  Noah is a wonderful baby.  We never experienced the sleepy newborn stage with Landon because he had acid reflux since birth, which eventually ended up being intussusception, but I'll save that story for a later date.

Our first night home was a complete disaster.  We live with my parents right now since I lost my job in June so Landon sleeps in the basement with us so we don't have separate rooms.  The only thing separating Landon from any noises or lights in the basement is a curtain we hung.  Anytime Noah would cry, Landon would as well.  Poor Landon was inconsolable.  I felt so bad for him.  Both boys ended up in bed with us.  I know they (whoever they is) say that you shouldn't put a baby in bed with you, but Noah sleeps 3-4 hours at a time this way and I can easily respond to him when he wakes up, which prevents Landon from waking up as well.

We had another rough night on Thursday and I didn't end up going to bed until after 4:30 in the morning.  Noah has decided that 1:00am is the magic time to be most alert.  I plan on working on this when he turns 2 weeks old and can start differentiating between day and night.  Other than that, Landon sleeps all night and Dusty gets him ready to go to the sitter.  I'm a little concerned with how this is all going to work out when Dusty goes back to work. 

What happens if Noah wakes up to eat while I'm trying to get Landon ready?  What am I going to do when both boys are crying at the same time?  Who do I respond to first?  Any suggestions are welcome! 

I really should start working on my Math homework that I missed last week and try to understand the material I wasn't present for while both boys are asleep.  Before I go, here are some pictures of our Halloween this year for your viewing pleasure:

Birth Stories

Who doesn't love a good birth story?  I know I've become a birth story junkie since I birthed my children.  I thought I would share my pregnancy and birth experience with both of my boys.  It is true that not all pregnancies are created equal. 

Landon:

My pregnancy with Landon was easy.  I only had morning sickness for the first 12 weeks and I didn't have a single complication the entire 39 weeks he was growing inside me.  I chose to be induced when it was safe to at 39 weeks.  I know there is a lot of controversy over elective inductions, but it worked for my family.  I was taking 12 credit hours in school and working full time and I had a great feeling of relief knowing when it was going to happen.

We were scheduled to go to labor and delivery at 5:30 in the morning of the 23rd of October.  However, we got a call from our labor and delivery nurse at 4:45 telling us not to come in yet because they had an overload of patients.  So, me, my husband, my parents, and my mother-in-law sat very impatiently until we finally got another call at 7:00 informing us that it was okay for us to come in.

It didn't take long to get me hooked up to my IV's, one of which was pitocin.  The doctor came in and checked me.  I hadn't changed since my exam 4 days before.  1cm dilated, 90% effaced, and Landon was at a +1 station.  I figured that they would start me on the pitocin first and then break my water once I progressed if it didn't break on its own.  Instead, the doctor decided to break my water right then and there.  It finally set in that we were coming home with a baby once he told me that he was breaking my water.  My nerves were going crazy at this point.

I started feeling contractions a couple of minutes after my water was broken, which was a very...interesting...feeling I might add.  Okay, so it was gross.  I didn't realize that once your water is broken, it keeps coming.  They leave that part out in the movies.  I apologized to the nurse for "leaking" all over the floor when I stood up to sit in the rocking chair for a while.

I was in excruciating pain 2 hours later.  My contractions were coming every 2 to 3 minutes and were lasting over a minute.  They decided to completely take me off the pitocin since I was contracting just fine on my own.  The doctor came in at noon to check me but didn't think I would have progressed very far since I had only been in labor for 4 hours.  He was surprised when he discovered that I was dilated to a 4 and was completely effaced.  He gave me the "go ahead" to get an epidural if I wanted it and boy did I want it!  Stick that needle in my spine!

It was smooth sailing after I got my epidural.  Dusty (my husband) and I laughed and joked.  I felt like myself again.  I started feeling contractions on my left side at 4:00pm.  The nurse checked me and said that I was at an 8.  She gave me some more medicine in my epidural and told me to try to take a nap.  She would check me again in 30 minutes.  I dozed off for a little bit and when she checked me again I was at a 9.  20 minutes later I was ready to push!

The nurse asked me if I wanted a mirror so I could watch him being born.  Um, NO.  Dusty tried to convince me to do it because "it was amazing," but I couldn't bring myself accept the nurse's offer.  It only took 20 minutes of pushing before we saw Landon's face for the first time.  I remember looking up at my husband and seeing tears rolling down his eyes.  As soon as they laid Landon on my chest all I could do was laugh.  I know it's not your typical reaction, but I was just so excited that he was finally here.  He didn't really cry, all he did was lay on me and whimper.  He swallowed a lot of fluid on his way out so he was monitored in the nursery for 4 hours before he could come to our room.

He was born at 5:04pm, weighing in at 8 pounds, 4 ounces and 21 1/4" long.

Noah:

 


As I said before, no two pregnancies are created equal.  I didn't experience any prolonged morning sickness during my pregnancy with Noah, instead I had random episodes of nausea that caught me off guard a couple of times.  I started experiencing pre-term contractions at 28 weeks and required 2 shots of Terbutaline to stop my labor.  I began dilating quickly and by the time I was 34 weeks I was dilated to 3 centimeters, 4 centimeters when I was 36 weeks, and finally 5 centimeters when I went into labor with Noah one day shy of 38 weeks gestation.

I woke up at 6:00am on Friday, October 21st to some pretty painful contractions.  They were progressively getting worse and were 3-4 minutes apart.  I called my OB when their office opened and was told to come in.  I called my husband at work so he could go with me.  I dropped Landon off at the sitter and we were on our way.  I was between 4 and 5 centimeters when I was checked and the doctor sent us over to labor and delivery so I could be monitored.

The nurse hooked me up to the monitors and saw that I was indeed contracting every 3-4 minutes.  I was checked again 2 hours later and didn't have any change.  I figured they would send us home since they won't do anything to "encourage" labor before 39 weeks.  Instead, they tried something call therapeutic rest.  It's where they give you a sleep aid and a pain killer in hopes that your body will rest enough so your cervix can dilate.  I was still very uncomfortable, but I was just too tired to give a crap.  They gave me 2 hydrocodone after that and I was finally able to get some rest.  They checked me again (I was seriously starting to lose my modesty at this point) when I woke up 2 hours later, only to be told that there still wasn't a change in my cervix.  We live 30 minutes away from the hospital and the doctor was really hesitant to send me home so he decided that I should stay overnight.  I hadn't had anything to eat all day so the doctor let me have a sandwich.  My contractions literally vanished not 10 minutes after I got done eating.  It was crazy!  I had seriously just spent the last 13 hours of my life contracting and then freakin POOF! they were gone.

I rested really well that night, well...as good as one can in a hospital.  I was checked again at 5:00am.  STILL NO CHANGE.  My husband and I were fully prepared to be sent home when the doctor made his rounds at 8:00am.  I hadn't had any painful contractions all night, even though some were showing up on the monitor, they weren't strong enough to bother me let alone wake me up from sleep.  We were shocked when he said that I had progressed between a 6 and 7 and that we would not be going home.  Instead, we would be having a baby!  Dusty left to go get our hospital bag and to give my parents Landon's car seat so they could come up and wait for Noah to be born.

I played around with the idea of not having an epidural.  I mean, I only had 2.5 centimeters to go and my contractions really weren't that painful.  Then I realized that my contractions would probably only get stronger after they broke my water, and then there was a possibility of tearing, something I would rather not feel.  I got my epidural and remembered how weird it was to be able to move my legs, but not be able to feel them.  I could still feel my contractions on my left side.  This happened when I got my epidural with Landon so I assumed that it would go away after I tilted my body to the left for a little while.  I was between a 7 and 8 at this point.

My mom, dad, Landon, mother-in-law Patrice, sister-in-law Misty, father-in-law Ronnie and step-mother-in-law were all in the waiting room.  Dusty brought Landon back so I could see him.  It felt like it had been an eternity since I had seen his precious little face.  It would be the last time it was just the three of us.  I was thankful that I spent an hour cuddling with him in the rocking chair the morning I started having contractions.  I couldn't imagine loving someone as much I loved Landon, but here we were, preparing to have our second child.  I was getting more nervous by the minute.

My mom, Misty, and Patrice joined us after Dusty took Landon back to the waiting room.  The doctor broke my water shortly afterward and my uncomfortable contractions became absolutely unbearable.  I reached the transition stage of labor and felt like I was going to throw up with each agonizing contraction.  WHY WASN'T MY EPIDURAL WORKING?!  It felt like my insides were being torn apart every time the nurse checked me.

The anesthesiologist gave me some other kind of cocktail in my epidural and pulled the catheter back a little and my pain was gone within 5 minutes.  I was fully dilated 20 minutes later and I was ready to push.  We only did one "practice" push with the nurse because she could already see his head.  As we waited for the doctor to arrive all I could say was "I'm nervous.  We're going to be parents of two.  Can we do this?  I'm so nervous..."  The doctor came in and I pushed again.  I saw him grab the suction bulb and I realized that his head was already out!  A half a push later and Noah Andrew made his debut! 

He was born at 1:08pm and was 7 pounds, 7 ounces, 19.5" long and perfectly healthy.  I actually cried this time, Dusty did too.  I couldn't believe it, but I felt just as much love for Noah as I did for Landon.

Our boys are 364 days apart.  Noah and I were released from the hospital the next day at 1:30 and made it to Landon's first birthday party at the park just in time.  I got to see Landon smash his cake and open his presents.  Noah and I left the party early because I was so exhausted that I began feeling dizzy, but I wouldn't trade being there for the world.


So, there are my birth stories.  I don't know how many people will actually read them to their entirety, but they are special to me. October 22nd and October 23rd will always be my favorite days of the year.